iAnna
by iAnna-n-Gypsy
Summary: When Jack's life is suckish, Will and Norry aren't making things better, Beckett is too gay for his anybody's good, Tia's father wants to kill Davy, and the POTC cast are teens trying to cope with public school! Basically hosted by CRACK! Rated Teen
1. Poker on a bus

This is the first episode of the first season of iAnna! All right, unlike some other webshows, this one actually kind of has a plot that goes through the whole season (many plots, but what's the difference)?

Disclaimer: We own nothing! Not even Laura Smith or Arabella Smith! They belong to Rob Kidd...And I suppose Zeus belongs to himself. Gypsy is pretty original...Kind of Anamaria. We call her Anna and she is the co-host.

**YOU SHOULD KNOW characteristics:** That this story is modern, so basically everyone is in modern clothing, except Beckett! He still looks exactly the same...Not sure why. Teague looks younger, but the same dreadlocks. Tia Dalma still has the dreads. And for Jack, he has SHORT dreadlocks! Maybe to about his shoulders...but that will change. (MWA HA HA hA HA!) Will looks the same, shorter and no facial hair. Norry...don't know. Just use your imagination! Elizabeth is about the same. Laura has red/auburn hair and brown eyes. Same goes for Arabella.

**BTW:** Jack, Will, Norry, Liz, and Bella are all about 13/14 in here.

Whew! Okay, that was long. Just...read now!

* * *

((Men sitting around round card table in order: Teague Sparrow, Davy Jones, Bootstrap, Zeus (yes, the Greek God), and Cutler Beckett.))

Teague: (throws chips on table) Okay, I'm in. It's a raise.

Davy: (sets down cards) Fine, I fold then. (Looks ad Teague, he smiles.) …Unless you wanted me to do that…I'm in! (Teague raises brow; Davy glares) Just how many aces do you have? Four? Two? How 'bout three?

Teague: Well-

Davy: Fine! Go fish! You happy now? (Teague frowns) No! I won't go fish…YOU GO FISH! (Stands up and runs out of room)

Beckett: What's wrong with him lately?

Zeus: (shuffles cards and grumbles) Something's _always_ wrong with him. (Fans self with cards) Teague, why is it always so hot in your garage?

Beckett: Yeah! I'm taking my coat off.

Teague: (moans) Please let there be something under there…

Beckett: Oh! One time! (Drops coat on floor; Beckett wears "The World Needs More Hugs" t-shirt)

Zeus: (stares…disturbingly) That's it, I'm out of here. (Sets cards down and walks away)

Teague: Hold it! You owe me 30 dollars!

Zeus: Oh! Is that right "Mr. Ace?"

Teague: What? (Points) This is a game of HONOR! (Card falls out of sleeve; Tries to stash it back hurriedly)

Zeus: Ri-i-ight. (Claps hands and leaves in puff of smoke and lightening)

Beckett: I think you should have hugged him if you wanted him to stay.

Teague: What is wrong with your brain? (Turns to Bootstrap and grins) Chickens. I only had two queens! (Bootstrap is grinning absent-mindedly)

Bootstrap: Where did you get that shirt?

Beckett: (leans in) Oh, I have connections! (Beckett and Bootstrap go into a sort of 'girl chat' mode. Teague throws cards in air and bangs head on hands on table)

Anamaria: (walks through door) Guys! Get up and ready! Everybody is waiting in the bus and Tia is getting impatient! (Pauses and looks at everybody) …If this wasn't normal I'd be scared.

Teague: (stands and walks around table. Grabs two by collars and lifts) You done yet?

Beckett: Um…You're stretching out the cotton and -- OW! (Teague drops them)

Anamaria: (rolls eyes) Let's go. (Gypsy runs into room wearing tank top and sweat jacket)

Gypsy: Anna, have you seen my blue and silver tee…that says… (Stops and stares at Beckett) "The world needs more-" …DAMN IT BECKETT! THAT'S MY BEST SHIRT!

Beckett: And now you see why I needed it!

Gypsy: Give. It.

Beckett: But- (Gypsy gives death glare) Fine Ms. Meanie-bo-Beanie! (Takes of shirt and hands to Gypsy)

Gypsy: (smells shirt) Aw man! Now I'm gonna have to burn it! (Turns to Anna) Have you seen my maroon shirt with the gold crown?

Anna: …(Frozen) MY EYES! (Shields eyes)

Bootstrap: I'm sure you won't have to burn it! (Takes shirt and 'Fabreezes' it; Presses shirt to face)

Gypsy: (slaps Anna) Where's my maroon shirt?

Anna: (does double-take (dashes head back and forth) My question is why you smelled your Becket-worn shirt!

Gypsy: And my question is why Bootstrap carries around a mini Fabreeze bottle! (Points to Bootstrap inhaling deeply)

Teague: And my question is why am I here!!

Gypsy: That's it! Anna, get Tia to pull the bus around. Bootstrap, find Beckett a shirt. Teague, you hae a loophole free contract and all of your lives or in my notebook. Got it? Ready? GO!

((Most of characters on bus in order: Tia is driving, Beckett. Next aisle, left to right: Anamaria and Gypsy, Teague and Laura, Bootstrap, then Jack, Will, and Norry.))

Beckett: Anna, at the mall can I shop at JCPenny?

Anamaria: (eyes cautiously) Why not? We're all on our own there and it's a free country and WHY?

Beckett: (examines nails) No reason…Is there a place to get your nails done at the mall?

Laura: (reading shopping catalogue) I think Victoria Secret is giving them half off with a free coupon.

Beckett: Great! (Turns to seat with Norry, Will, and Jack.) Norry, do you want-

Norry: GAWD, NO!

Beckett: Fine! Suit yourself! (Leans towards Tia) I'll pick him something out, anyway.

Jack: Hey, Laura! Where's Bella and Liz?

Laura: They're meeting us there at Culver's. (Turns to Jack) You should work there, too. Earn some money! Bella says they're still hiring.

Teague: Yeah, (mumbles) save for college.

Jack: Why? I have a college fund!

Teague: No you don't.

Jack: (shifts head) La-a-a-aura?

Laura: (hits Teague on shoulder) You know there's money in there!

Teague: Yeah! Money from planet Make It Up!

Bootstrap: (head still buried in Gypsy's shirt) Mmmph-a-gumph!

Jack: What?

Bootstrap: (raises head) I'd still like to go there one day.

Laura: And to do what, Bootstrap?

Bootstrap: My father told me it was my destiny to conquer the Make It Up people!

Teague: And wasn't your father also on meth?

Bootstrap: No he wasn't!

Teague: Bootstrap, he tried to sell it to me!!

Bootstrap: So?

Teague: WE WERE EIGHT!

Jack: Will, you come from a disturbed family.

Will: (leans over seat) Dad…There is _no_ planet Make It Up!

Bootstrap: Says you! (Slips shirt over head) And I'll do it with the power of cross-dressing! (stands up and does heroic pose)

Tia: Down in the back! I can't see through da back window!

Laura: (looks up at Bootstrap) That really is a nice shirt.

Gypsy: (turns to Anna) Is that shirt _really_ more popular than me?

Anna: Yes. (Gypsy yanks hair) OW!

Jack: What about Davy? Is he coming?

Tia: Um, I think he said he had to pick up da crew.

Bootstrap: Why isn't he picking me up? I'm part of the Dutchman! I mean, come on! It's like I hardly work anymore!

Teague: I think there's a reason for that.

Tia: (stops bus) Okay! I can't drive anymore! Teague, you do it!

((Now Teague is driving, Jack is behind him, Tia is next to Laura, and Beckett is next to Bootstrap)

Jack: Are we there yet?

Teague: Shut up.

Jack: Are we there yet?

Teague: Shut up.

Jack: Are we there yet?

Teague: Shut up!

Jack: I joined a killer gang in California!

Teague: Shut up.

Jack: (claps hands eagerly) This is fun!

Gypsy: Ooh! Let me try! (scoots over across row next to Jack) I sold your first guitar at the pawn shop!

Anamaria: Gypsy!

Teague: No you didn't! That thing's locked up in my closet under…under my magazines and…

Laura: And what, Teague?

Teague: THEY'RE BOOTSTRAP'S! Okay?

Bootstrap: My what? The only magazines I have are Will's and the ones Beckett loaned me!

Norry: Will, your family _is_ disturbed!

Laura: Teague?

Teague: Ew…What! NOT THOSE! …Oh look! We're here! (Swerves bus violently)

* * *

Okay, if you actually finished that chapter, milk and cookies for you! We swear that the first scene in the next chapter is HILARIOUS! If you have any questions on relationships and stuff just ask in the review. It all _should_ be explained later. But so, for the next chapter...

Claire's and Dunkin' Doughnuts!

Now hit the li'l' lavender button and review! Sooner you do, the more motivated we are and the more we right! We're also open for suggestions.


	2. Claire's and Dunkin' Doughnuts

Gypsy: Here's chapter 2! We swear, we were up from midnight to 4 in the morning working on this!! PLEASE LIKE IT!! ANAMARIA CAN'T TAKE ANOTHER NIGHT LIKE THAT!! However, I'm doing just fine on 3 hours of sleep!

Anamaria: (perks up) THAT'S BECAUSE I GAVE YOU SUGAR MOOLATTE!

Gypsy: And I'm perfectly fine!!

Anamaria: (tries to change subject) Plzzzzzzz just try to enjoy the story...if you don't like this chpt, we already have the next chpt done and it is HILARIOUS!! But no update until we get at least 3 reviews!! SO CLICK THAT LI'L' BUTTON LIKE IT'S YOUR LIFE!!

Gypsy: (shoots tranquilizer dart; Anna collapses) And now, you may read. (Gives death glare) But heed Anna's warning...

* * *

Anamaria: Your on your own! Just meet back at the iAnna lounge by 7:30!

Norry: What about the bus?

Anna: Um, yeah. There is a thing called LEGS! Ever heard of them?

Norry: (grins) No.

Anna: (rolls eyes) Could _you_ drive it?

Norry: If Gypsy can!

Anna: (spins around) Gypsy!

Gypsy: I was in 3rd grade! So sue me! The hobo wanted a ride!

Jack: (whispers to Norry) She drove the bus around with a hobo?

Norry: (crosses arms and mumbles) She tried to sell me to him! (Anna rolls eyes; Dutchman Crew walks in)

Gypsy: What took you?

Maccus (The Hammerhead Shark): Captain stopped the bus repeatedly.

Anna: Ah! Not used to driving yet?

Maccus: No. (Takes deep breath) And-Ogilvey-and-Morey-kept-yelling-at-each-other-and-poor-Niko-was-in-the-middle-of-it-all-crying-and-Hadras (the one that keeps losing his head) - was-babbling-nonsense-and-Palifico-was-yelling-at-Ogilvey-and-Morey-and-I-kept-complaining-about-the-ship-and-Davy-kept-growling-and-wouldn't-listen-to-a-word-I-said-and-Jimmy (the guy who almost whipped Will in DMC) - kept-cracking-his-whip-at-us-and-no-one-would-SHUT-THE-BLOODY-HELL-UP! (Crew is nervously shuffling feet.

Jimmylegs cracking whip at ground)

Davy: (steals whip) _YOU_ just shut the bloody hell up! (Starts chasing Maccus in circles whipping at his feet)

Teague: (grins) I'm glad I joined this cast!

Gypsy: (starts chasing) Stop it! Stop it! HOLD IT! (Pulls Davy aside and hands small sack) Here's some money. Take the crew to the Showboat and LEAVE!

Davy: (grumbles and hands Maccus the money) Fine. Where's the mall map?

Anna: It's right…(grabs Davy and spins around) here!

Davy: Ah. (Squints) Right. Showboat Theatre is right next to Claire's and-

Beckett: THEY HAVE A CLAIRE'S? (Shoves Davy to ground) What floor? …Come on Norry!

Norry: Wha? (Beckett grabs hand) No. No! NO!

Davy: Gah! Get. Back. Here! (Tries to grab Beckett; Accidentally grabs pants and rips off. Beckett doesn't notice nor care.)

Laura: (along with other girls, shields eyes) Please tell me when it's safe or when he has underwear on!

Norry: (being dragged away) Help me! He'll take me to his ca-a-a-ave!

Teague: (mumbles) Poor li'l' guy. No one's gonna help him with Beckett like that…

Jack: (pondering) But maybe Davy… (Everyone turns to Davy)

Davy: (outraged) You'll pay for that! (Stands up and takes off)

Mall Loudspeaker: It is now buy-one-get-one-free at Dunkin'Doughnuts. Make sure to also check out the new Claire's dressing rooms -- Bolted top to bottom! Enjoy your stay!

Will: Poor Norry…Who knew how moronic Claire's was? Do they even sell clothes?

Davy: Who cares about Norry or Claire's or Beckett's sexual problems? DUNKIN' DOUGHNUTS! (Runs off with Beckett's pants stuck to his claw) I'M COMING, BABIES! (Everyone stares)

Laura: …(Turns to Teague) Can we go grocery shopping now?

Teague: Uh, (Laura rolls eyes and drags Teague off) No! I wanted to go to TC Sports! SAVE ME, BOOTSTRAP!

((Camera pans over to TC Sports window and Bootstrap))

Bootstrap: Sorry, Teague! I can't hear you over the roar of FOOTBALL!

((Cuts back))

Teague: No. No! NO! (Laura continues dragging. Teague gives up; Grumbles) Damn feminal hormonal strength!

Later

((Gypsy walks up to small gambling stand.))

Gypsy: Hmm… (casually slides into sunglasses shop and comes out with dark shades on and some reason a stick)

Stand owner: Hello little lady! Would you like to try your luck at Liar's Dice?

Gypsy: (innocently) But how could I possibly play? (waves hand in front of eyes) I'm blind!

Stand owner: You don't have to see to be lucky! (Throws dice as Gypsy sits down.)

Gypsy: (places money on table) I bid two twos. (Will comes along and sits next to Gypsy.)

Will: I bid seven threes!

Gypsy: (scowls) Liar!!

Will: (Will lifts his and Gypsy's cups; mutters) Dang it.

Time Lapse

((Teague and Laura walking in grocery store pushing cart.))

Laura: Teague, go pick up some milk?

Teague: (sighs) Fine…(Pushes cart down aisle) Wait, what kind?

Laura: Um, actually…Do they still have that low-fat whole-grain milk?

Teague: _Nobody_ has that, Laura! Well, maybe in the fields of Cuba…(Laura puts hands on hips and grins) What? No! I'm not going to Cuba for your milk! I'm sorry, as much as I love you, it's just not worth it!…Well, that's it. Your not worth it.

Laura: (rolls eyes) Just go get my milk! (Pushes Teague down aisle)

Teague: Yeah, yeah. And-(looks up) WHAT'S WITH ALL THE MILK! (Walks down huge aisle; does double-take and picks out random gallon.) Lactose-intolerant?…What the hell? You do NOT make lactose-intolerant milk! No! Mentally against the law! Lactose-intolerant means you don't drink milk! WHAT THE FUCK is in the gallon? (Puts gallon back; pulls out another) Fiber milk, pfft! _You_ belong in the dairy section! (This continues for say...until Teague reaches the end of the mile-long aisle!)

Laura: (walks in with full basket) Teague! You have the- (pauses; smirks and watches Teague's imbecileness; slowly follows)

Teague: (scoffs) Kiss my ass, skim milk trying to talk down and-and bullying my whole milk! (Chucks milk to floor where it explodes around feet) QUIT MAKING IT FEEL BAD!

Laura: (sighs and takes out 2 gallon) You'd think _he_ was the pregnant one…

Teague: (still babbling) EIGHT GLASSES IS REDICULOUS!

Laura: (grabs Teague's arm and pulls away; he doesn't notice) Now let's go to Viola and get some dresses.

Teague: You're skim and bland and tasteless!

Laura: (grinds teeth) Ignoring…

Time Lapse

((Anna is randomly wandering. She ends up at Claire's))

Anna: Norry and Beckett have been in there and awfully long time. (groans) This better not be another rape case again!! (runs into Claire's)

Manager: Hello miss.

Anna: I'm looking for a couple of (hesitates) friends. One of them is short and has a white wig. The other one is kinda tallish and has a light-brown mophead and was most likely with the shorter one.

Manager: Of course. (pulls out an exact Pirates of the Caribbean Beckett and Norrington replicates) There you go!

Anna: Ummm… yes but I'm looking for these actual people!!

Manager: Ohhh… Dressing room 21. All the way at the end behind the post. It's the only soundproof one in this store!

Anna: (voice shaky) Ummm… Thank you? (runs to the dressing rooms)

Manager: Wait! (Anna turns around) Take the dummies!! (tosses them at Anna who collapses under weight) Nobody will buy them!

Anna: Gah!! (hand twitches) Can't… Breathe!!

((Anna finally gets to dressing room 21 carrying Norry doll))

Anna: (knocks on door) Norry? Beckett? You in there?

Norry: (from inside) Anna? HELP ME!! (begins to cry) Please get me out of here.

Anna: (somehow pries open door and Norry stumbles out) Come on, Norry. Let's get you some ice cream or something to shut you up. (Throws Norry doll in with sleeping Beckett who immediately cuddles up with it.)

Norry: Ho-How'd you do that?

Anna: What? With Beckett? (Sticks out thumb and points) My instincts told me to do that!

Norry: No, with the door! It's bolted shut!

Anna: Oh. My dad's a contractor/police officer/electrician!

Author's Note: True Story!

Later

((Gypsy and Will are counting the loot from the con-artist scheme. Gypsy hands Will his share.)

Will: (looks at the money) You know Gypsy, I would've just been content with _not _getting beaten up!

Gypsy: Oh? (Takes Will's share back)

Will: Woah! I still want the money! (Reaches for the money)

Gypsy: (pull money out of Will's reach.) Ah. Ah. Ah. Too late! (turns around) It was nice doing business with you, Mr. Turner! (laughs and walks away, leaving Will baffled.)

Will: (standing there confused) What just happened?…Did Gypsy just con me?…(shakes head) I'm too stupid to not have seen that coming.

(Anna and Norry walk up to Will.)

Anna: Will, take Norry! I wanna have fun! (Runs off)

Will: Wait! Why?

Beckett: (calling from backround) Norry! Where'd you go? I thought we had plans!! (In sing-song voice) I have a gift for you at Victoria Secret!!

Author's Note: Okay, before you ask…USE YOUR IMAGINATION, ppl!

Norry: That's why! (takes Will's hand) Run-man!-Run-man!-Run-man!-Go-go-go-go-go!

((They scramble panicked around plant area screaming.))

Will: (pauses from spaz-out) Wait…(Norry continues running around)

Norry: AAAAAH! AAAAAH! (collides with Will) AAAAAAH!

Will: Norry! (Grabs shoulders) Maybe we should try _running._ Whe-where do we hide, man?

Norry: Do you even _know_ Beckett? The only place we can hide is the sporting good store!

Will: But what about Victoria Secret?

Norry: (slaps Will across face repeatedly. "WHACK! SLAP! SLAP!") ARE YOU DEAF, MAN! That's the _first_ place he'll look for us!!

Will: Pause!: When did this become _us?_

Norry: When Gypsy ditched you and Anna dropped me off with you, did you forget that you signed a legal contract with them?!\

Beckett: (calling from background) Norry! Where are you?? (In sing-song voice) I guess my gift will be wa-a-a-a-iting!

Norry: (turns to Will, heart pounding) You know, if Beckett finds me with you.. You're getting involved in this!!

Will: HOLY CRAP! (grabs wrist) Let's get outta here!

((Will and Norry run off in a sprint screaming their lungs out aaaaaaaaall the way to TC Sports))

Will: (darts into store) Daddy! Don't you EVER leave me! (Runs up and hugs tightly; Norry runs in and pops into the hug as freaked out as Will is.)

Bootstrap: (looks down) I don't remember having you…

Norry: (looks up, with puppy dog face) My daddy doesn't love me and I haven't seen him for the past four years…

Bootstrap: Oh…Gimme a hug, then! (Embraces both boys)

* * *

Okay! The next chapter is almost a complete retarded dedication to D.C...DUTCHMAN CREW, TAKE A BOW!!

D.C. (_EVERYONE_ Comes up and bows repeatedly; Hadras's head falls into audience)

Hadras: (head landed in a hot girl's lap) Heeeeeeeeeeeeeey. Do you like celebrities?

NOT LITERALLY YOU IDIOTS!! ...and somebody fetch Hadras before he ruins everything?? Click the Lavender thingy-ma-jiggy for reason said at beginning of the chapter...

Next Chapter: More Douhnuts and Dutchman Chaos...Don't mess with Davy's Douhnuts...


	3. DC at the movies and WHIP

**All right. We seriously apologize for the late update! We went on a vacation and...yeaaaaaaah forgot to update...PLEASE REFRAIN FROM TRHOWING TOMATOES!! We have the next 2 chapters COMPLETE! Chpt 4 is extra long to make up for the shortness of this one, and chpt 5 is JUST HILARIOUS! But we won't post until we get at least 4 reviews for this chapter though, so tell you friends! We need more publicity...**

**BTW: This chapter contains some Dutchman Crewmembers, so there's a link to a wiki page on our profile. And I apologize for spacing mistakes. My save option is on crack!  
--Gypsy**

**And for all future episodes and referrences, whenever we have an anonymous person, just tell us if you wanna be him/her! First come first serve, so REVIEW!**

* * *

AnaMaria entered a potato-growing contest. CAPIECE!

((There's a long row of tables, banners, balloons, and people. AnaMaria is in the middle.))

Contestant 1: (looks at wilting plant) NOW LOOK HERE YOU SPINELESS PIECE OF VEGETATION! I did NOT spend seven years in the core to WATCH YOU WILT LIKE THAT! NOW GROW, DAMN IT! GROW! (Plant suddenly perks up)

AnaMaria: (looks over) How come I can't get my plant to grow like that? The directions called for _looove! _

Contestant 1: (looks at packet directions) Anna...THE DIRECTIONS ARE ON GERMAN CRACK!!

Anna: But I still don't get what I did wrong!

Contestant 2: Well, how about the basics? Like sunlight or water! (looks at Anna's pot) ...or soil! (lifts pot upside down) And how about a SEED?

((Maccus and Palifico forcefully dragging Davy to Showboat))

**Okay, let's paint a picture! Maccus and Palifico have their arms linked with Davy's trying to drag him to the big doors. Davy is trying to run in the opposite direction; Tentacle beard covered in powdered sugar and clinging to last glazed doughnut for dear life!**

Maccus: Captain! Let it go! There'll be more sales!

Davy: No! I paid for the 1,472nd doughnut, I DESERVE THE FREE ONE! (Turns to Palifico) Palifico! You're my body guard! Help me out here!

Palifico: I'm protecting you from the calories!

Davy: (hides panting) I've burned them!

Palifico: Well, I'm protecting you from your fat pants! Remember _last_ Thanksgiving when-

Davy: WHERE'S THE REST OF THE CREW?

Maccus: Already-at-the-movie-theater-and-Norry-and-Beckett- are-doing-_God-_ knows what-in-a-Claire's-dressing-room-and-Bootstrap-and-Tia-are-in-the-bus-and-Elizabeth-and-Bella-and-Jack-are-at-Culver's-and-Anna's-in-a-potato-growing-contest-and-we-lost-Gypsy-and-Will-awhile-ago. Oh!-and-Teague-and-Laura-are-dress-whopping! (Gasps then turns back to the struggling Davy) And-Hadras-lost-his-head-in-the-soda-fountain! SO I SUGGEST YOU GET YOUR ASS IN THERE, CAP'N! (Hisses/spats) You lazy _S.O.B!_

Davy: Uh...(is sub-consciously walking towards the movie theater guided by the two morons)

Palifico: Wow.

((We go in the theater to the Dutchman Crew a tad more settled with Hadras and his stupid sticky head back! Koleniko is ordering at the concession stand.))

Koleniko: Fine! I _won't_ get the large soda if it's _"infested" _with _"barnacles!" _(Half of crew turns and snarls at Hadras)

Hadras: You guys _put_ me in there!

(Random couple is standing in the next line)

Girl: Why don't we see Mumma Mia?

Boy: Ain't that a chick flick?

Davy: You wanna know how it's a chick flick?

Girl: (turns around) When two people are on the cover?

Davy: No...When my entire crew wants to see it!!

(Cuts back to crew)

All: (chanting and raising fists) MUMMA MIA! MUMMA MIA! MUMMA MIA!

(Davy walks over to table with fangirl (xxxSupernatural.LoverXXX or something like that) Nicole and Maccus)

Davy: Is he still mad?

Nicole: Nah. You see, Davy, Maccus just blew up from bottling all that anger and hatred of you! He blasted off into orbit! (Waves hand in front of Maccus's drooling mouth and head) I just wouldn't be around for the "Return Trip."

Davy: Oh...okay. (Gets up and leaves)

Nicole: AND IT'S ALL YOU'RE FAULT!

Davy: (turns around) Wha?

(Nicole starts beating Davy with purse which is oddly filled with sharp rocks, broken glass, and gasoline.)

Davy: Ow! CUT IT OUT YOU NUTTER! (Looks at lit pipe) Uh oh...

(BOOM! Davy exploded, leaving Nicole to skip happily back to her space-cadet love.)

Koleniko: Is the Mountain Dew still good?

Cashier: No! Everything's ruined thanks to your friend!

Koleniko: Look here, Miss! I've been called a lot of things in my life, but _never_ have I heard anything as ridiculous as being called HADRAS'S FRIEND!

Cashier: W-well okay! J-just tell me how many tickets you want.

Koleniko: We need 22 adult tickets and...(Glances at Davy) um, do you have anything older than senior? Like..._Se__ñor "Grande?" _

Davy: (crawls out of puff of smoke and burnt skin flakes) I HEARD THAT! I don't have to take this from my retardant crew, you know!

Nicole: Why don't you leave then? I don't think my Maccus-Muffin-Pie or I want you here! Just go!

Davy: I _really_ don't have to take this you know!...I'm _going! _(Marches out of theater)

+Later+

((The Crew of the Dutchman walks out of the theater. Maccus and Palifico are far behind))

**A/N: Okay, if you want to know the full story, please go to out profile and read "The Alternate One-shot." Remember, the alternate...so Davy never left.**

Maccus: (is brushing himself off) That...Was the most...Disgusting thing...I have ever done.

Palifico: (straightens out shirt) Oh come on. It wasn't as bad as it could have been, was it?

Maccus. Yes. It was.

(Jimmylegs falls over railing of second floor and lands on his face. Maccus and Palifico rush to him)

Palifico: Jimmy? How much did you drink?!

Jimmylegs: (grins) I don't know. A few...dozen cases. Why?

Maccus: That's why. Oh boy. Cap'n is gonna _love _this!

(Davy walks back into movie theater)

Davy: What's going on?! Is my bo'sun drunk?!

Jimmy: (chuckles) Maybe...but what do you care you crazy old BAT? (Davy gasps; Jimmy passes out but wakes up three seconds later)

Jimmylegs, suddenly sober: (glares at Maccus and Palifico) I'm gonna kill you both.

(Maccus and Palifico hug Jimmy)

Both: YAAY! JIMMY'S BACK! AND HE'S GONNA KILL US! WE SHOULD RUN NOW! (Run out screaming; Jimmy is chasing/whipping them screaming "I'm gonna kill you!"; Mall security is chasing Jimmy)

Davy: (looks up) Please, for the love of all, Gypsy, keep them out of trouble!

Gypsy's Voiceover: Hmmm, lemme-think-NO! I'll just write them into more trouble!

Davy: (mumbles) Great...(Jimmy poofs instantly next to Davy; starts whipping Davy) OW! Come on!

Gypsy's Voiceover: You deserved it, Davy! Pfft! Thinking I could do goooood.

+Later+

((Davy and Jimmylegs are now wondering aimlessly around the mall. They run into Gypsy outside a Potbelly's.))

Davy: (moans) Gypsy? Do you have any pain reliever?

Gypsy: Why?

Davy: They're saying my-crew-is-gay-and-my-butt-hurts.

Jimmylegs: Palifico nailed Maccus in the theater and now I have a heada-a-a-a-ache!

Gypsy: You went to see...Mumma Mia?

Jimmy: We were outnumbered by the crew. I wanted to see something explode!

Davy: I exploded...

Gypsy: I wanna see that movie! What's it called?

Davy: It's called 'My Life!'

Gypsy: Davy, walk away.

Davy: You can't- (Davy's feet begin walking away) What? Wait, I don't want to go! (Feet move to seafood restaurant) No! This is unfair! (Walks in entrance way; clutches to edge of door) SAVE ME! (Disappears)

Jimmy: That's a bit harsh!...Wait, how did you know we were in the Mumma Mia theater?

Gypsy: I was there.

Jimmy: Did you see Maccus and Palifico?!

Gypsy: No! Why would I need to see it if I already wrote it!

Jimmy: (gaps) YOU DID THAT?

Gypsy: Yes! AND WE'RE ALSO WRITING _YOU_ GAY SO SHUT THE HELL UP!

Jimmy: (narrows eyes) You. Wouldn't. Dare.

Gypsy: Try. Me.

Jimmy: (pulls out Whip) I have a whip!

Gypsy: (draws out pencil) I can erase that whip!

Jimmy: (in know-it-all-tone) You can't do that! This is a physical object! (Gypsy erases the whip) - WH-I-I-I-I-I-I-IP! (Tears well up in eyes)

Gypsy: (sighs) Just take this licorice whip!

Jimmy: (takes candied whip) I never thought I would say this...but I'm gonna go see Bootstrap. (Sulks to exit)

Gypsy: Baby...(turns to restaurant) THEY WILL STEAL YOUR SOOOOOOUL!

* * *

All right, like it? Hate it? Any suggestions? Critisism? We're open to anything here at the iAnna studio! (a.k.a, Anna's messy, messy bedroom...Face it, Anna! I CAN'T SEE THE FREAKIN' FLOOR nonetheless your bed! I think I'm now clausederphobic because of you now.)

Okay!! We know we havn't included Jack yet...but we will! He's very much in the next chapter working at Culver's! Next chapter... **Frysalt Dining.**

**And remember, number 4 is the magic number!**


	4. Frysalt Dining

**Okay, I think we hit the number 4 slot on the review meter...so here's Episode 4 everybody! We are proud to present, Fry Salt Dining! And it's extra long!! What _was_ a deleted sceneat the end (which would be the wrestling) is now part of the regular episode! So congratz!...And I finally think my account is slowly recovering from its crack incodent and I proofread this...So it's my fault for any mistakes in there! **

**--Gypsy**

* * *

((We start out at the Culver's kitchen.))

Jack: Okay, Belle! Where do I start?

Arabella: (flipping patties) Well, you can start out bringing the food to the tables.

Jack: Simple enough...

Arabella: I think you have to talk to Liz first, she's already at that station.

Elizabeth: (walks up) And I think you'll also need this. (gives Jack hairnet)

Jack: What? Why do I have to wear this!

Arabella: Because you have unruly hair?

Jack: (grumbles) Fine...(slips hairnet on; tucks hair in) Then how come you guys don't have to wear one?

Elizabeth: (grins) Because there was only one left!

Jack: HEY!

Elizabeth: Oops! Out of time! Didn't answer quick enough! (Pushes out of kitchen) Try again at dinner! (Runs deeper into kitchen)

Jack: (rolls eyes) I hate those chicks...

+Later+

((We go to Jack serving Lunch Hour in the classic blue apron and hat...hiding the hairnet. A big thug walks in))

Thug: (bumps into Jack) Nerd, get me some food!

Jack: Oh my gawd! (Points) IT'S A BUILDING WITH FEET! (Sets down food to customers)Oh, you're a_ human_ building with feet!

Thug: Nerd, just give me some fuel! (Picks up Jack by collar)

Jack: (grins) I might be able to help if you put me down! (Let's Jack down; Jack straightens collar) And that's _Mister_ Nerd to you!

Bella: (peers over counter) Um, hi! (shakes hands eagerly; trying to keep Jack out of trouble) I'm Arabella Smith, so what do you want?

Thug: Food! Is that so hard?

Bella: Well, I suggest you order something off the menu above my big auburn head and tell me as soon as you can!

Thug: I already told you and your...uh...(Looks at Jack who is pouring fry salt on his eyes and screaming)...interesting friend ova there, FOOD!

Bella: That's not very nice!

Elizabeth: (shakes head) Nor correct. You missed brainless, dopey, moronic, odd, spineless, crack-addicted, girl-obsessed, loveless, pointless, clueless, and stupid! (Smiles)

Jack: (comes back rubbing red eyes) Hi-ow!

Liz: What did I tell you? Oh, and if you want food, I suggest you go to a restaurant, preferably Italian. Why? Because we don't serve food here. We serve deep-fried heart attacks!

Jack: (pops up) ON A BUN!

Liz: Jack, go stick your head in the deep fryer.

Jack: Is that a threat or a promise?

Liz: You know what? That doesn't even make sense!

Jack: It doesn't have to...(Breaks out into "Accidentally in Love") So she said what's the problem, baby...!

Bella: (grabs Jack by the shirt collar and sticks his head in the deep fryer.) Problem solved! (Picks up cell; Calls Teague) Teague! I stuck Jack's head in the deep fryer!

Teague: Good for you, Bella! See if you can fit the rest of him in there! (Sighs) My son the contortionist. We'll have deep-fried Jack for dinner! (Laura slaps him) OW! What? I was just kidding! (Whispers) Try it anyway! ("Slap!") OW! Hey! I've been trying to do that for years!

Bella: But he started singing "Accidentally in Love!"

Teague: When will that boy learn that everyone hates his karaoke?

Jack: (gargled notes) Brwha-ba-probba-gaby!

Liz: (leans over) Wow. He's surviving a lot longer than I thought he would!

Bella: Kay. Tell Mom she's meeting Elizabeth and I at the food court around 2:00.

Teague: Laura...Is this two-sided lipstick supposed to make my lips orange?

Laura: You have that upside down, idiot!

Teague: Well _excuse_ me! But I'm a guy and we don't wear lipstick! I'm outta here! TC Sports here I come!

Bella: (sighs) Good-bye! (Clamps cell)

Liz: (takes Jack's head out of deep-fryer; looks up at Arabella) Bella! He's still alive!...AND UGLIER THAN EVER! (Nothing has changed about Jack's appearance!)

+Time Lapse+

((We go to Mister Goldstein's Seafood Emporium. Mr. Goldstein the walking fish is leading Davy the walking squid in a tuxedo to the eating-area.))

Goldstein: This is where you'll be working. You are catering to them now. They are burdens of the state and deemed unfit for human intelligence. _They_ are your superiors.

(Most of people pouring fry salt into their eyes.)

All in unison: AAAAAH!...Ow.

Davy: (mumbles) Wow. Gypsy and Anna wanted for me to get _away_ from my crew. (Looks at people; Their heads are replaced with the Dutchman Crews') ...GET ME OUTTA HERE!! (Tries to run; Goldstein stops with flipper against Davy's forehead)

Goldstein: No. You will stay and serve and most likely be mistaken for someone's calamari, but YOU will TAKE IT.

Davy: (turns around to look at fish tank; Davy turns anime/cartoon picking out an anime squid and is about to cry.) How could they do this to you?! (Normal Davy looks around) I'll save you, Benjamin!

Goldstein: (confused) Benjamin?

Davy: He's my cousin...This squid is my cousin.

Goldstein: ...(walks away)

Davy: I know what to do! (Lifts entire tank to mouth; starts gulping)

+Later+

((Norry and Will slow down from running and are panting. They stop outside Culver's.))

Will: Want...to get...a soda?

Norry: Is Beckett...in there?

Will: No.

Norry: Okay then!

(They walk inside; Norry is distracted by toy-train riding around ceiling.)

Arabella: Order 27 served! (Turns around and bumps into Norry.) Oh, sorry!

Norry: My mistake. (Looks at Bella) Uhh...

Bella: Can I help you?

Norry: Uhh...

Bella: You want food?

Norry: (nods) Uhh...

Bella: (puts hands on hips) What's your name?

Norry: Uhh...(Jack walks up behind them.)

Will: (smacks Norry) Tell her your name! You'll never get a girl that way! (Jack does double-takes and begins to worriedly/silently point between Norry and Arabella.)

Jack: Uhh...

Bella: (rolls eyes; walks away)

Will: What was that about? You like her?

Norry: (entranced) Of course. She's sweet, and pure, and kind, and everything good about life.

Will: You just _met_ her!

Norry: (entranced, still) And yet...I know everything I'll ever need to know about her.

Will: Oh yeah? What's her _name?_

Norry: (snaps out of daze) D'oh!

Jack: (grinds/clenches teeth) She's also my new step-sister.

Norry: (looks down, sadly) I just died a little, inside.

Jack: You doof! (Jack sighs; Flicks Norry in the head and walks away with tray of food.)

Will: (calls after) Jack! Can I get a so-da? (Jack ignores) Fine! I'll get it myself!

(Will leaps over and behind counter. He lands next to Elizabeth whom is working the deep-fryer.)

Will: Hey, Liz! Where are the cups?

Elizabeth: (turns around) Up your arse and around the corner! Get out! I don't think you should even be back here! (Turns and shifts fries around.) What do you _really_ want?

Will: Well, I wanted to meet that red-headed girl! Norry screwed up, and...Everybody deserves a second chance, right? (Does puppy-eyes)

Liz: (smiles sweetly; Grabs Will by collar) ...NO! (Shoves into deep-fryer)

Bella: (walks around corner) Liz! No! ELIZABETH CAROL SWANN!

Will: (gargles; Manages to get head up; Chuckles) Carol?!

Liz: Oh shut it! (Starts shaking fry salt on Will)

Will: Ow! It burns! WHERE DOES EVERYONE GET THE FRY SALT? (Bella yanks Will away.)

Bella: Do I have to tell Jack that you want to _date _him?

Liz: (freezes; Squeaks) Uh-uh.

Bella: (releases Will) You're free to go. (Pushes Will out of kitchen)

(Will walks out dazed spite the burns and blisters on his face. Norry runs up.)

Norry: What happened? Who hurt you? Was it Elizabeth?

Will: (entranced) I'm fi-i-i-i-ine.

Norry: (backs away) What happened to _you?_

Will: I know this most wonderful girl...

Norry: Well did you at least get a date?

Will: (snaps out of daze.) No. I should, though! (Turns around) Arabella!!

(Jack runs up and pins Will against the wall.)

Jack: No! Will, you are NOT getting a date with _her! _

Will: (puppy dog eyes) But Jaaaack!

Jack: No! Listen to me: STFU! Get another girl, you retard! (Turns to a grinning Norry who is sneaking towards the kitchen.) And you! I know that face! You're not getting a date, PERIOD! And don't go complaining to Gypsy and Anna! They're the ones who wrote this in the first place, so STFU! (Storms out of Culver's)

(Norry and Will look at each other.)

Both: SHE'S MI-I-I-I-I-NE! (runs towards kitchen)

Norry: Come on! You know I liked her first!

Will: So? She saved MY LIFE! Those kinds of things make you realize what's important in life!

Norry: What about a clear conscious and ME?!

Will: NEVE-E-E-E-E-E-ER!

+Later+

((Laura, Arabella, and Elizabeth are eating at a small round table in the center of the food court.))

Laura: So Arabella, when life gives you lemons- (Picks up hard-candy)

Arabella: (exasperated) I-complain-about-the-LEMONS! (Let's head fall and splat in food tacos)

Laura: (spits out candy) These rose-colored candies taste _horrible_!

Elizabeth: That's because you're eating my new decorative soaps! (Picks up basket and turns upside-down. Empty.)

Laura: Well then, (pops in mouth) in that case they're pretty dang good!

(Teague and Jack walk up)

Jack: Laura? Can we eat lunch with you?

Laura: No. Girl bonding, only! Why don't you guys go to that new Seafood place.

Jack: But-

Teague: _Laura-_

Laura: No! Shut it. Go. Bonding. Now. (Killer death glare)

(Teague and Jack put hands up in surrender. They back away to the Seafood Emporium.)

((Teague and Jack enter dark restaurant; Davy is sitting against wall with over-bloated stomach puffing out of cuff-band.))

Teague: (shields Jack's eyes; Whispers) Davy! What in your-locker happened?

Davy: (rubbing belly; Has a glazed-over look in his eye.) Yesterday my mouth tasted like blood. Today it just tastes like fish. (Licks lips) I never thought I'd miss the taste of blood so much.

Teague: A-_fish_-eating_-fish?_ Now that's just _wrong! _I miss the old Davy Jones who killed people and exercised!

Jack: Ooh! Fat Davy?! Where?! I WANNA SEE! (Jack pries his father's hands off; Immediately shields his own again) I want to laugh, barf, and cry _all_ at the same time.

Teague: Yes...Er, no need to seat us, Davy! (Pushes and hurries Jack along.) We'll just be at the bar!

Davy: (sighs, grunts, and struggles to stand up.) Come on, li'l' mushy friends...Let's smuggle you back to the ocean! (Walks out door; Falls flat on face; Muffles) Or we could just lay here...Now it's time for all you family to gather up inside me and take _me_ back to the ocean...

Teague: (looks back) He _has_ to stop watching The Little Mermaid. What do you think, son? (Jack has dazed blank expression) I know that look! Either you have a witty remark, or you _rea-a-a-a-ally _have to wet yourself!

Jack: (nods) I do! (Turns around) FAT-ASS! (Turns back around calmly.)

Teague: (smiles) Now it's time for your first taste of-

Jack: PE-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E! (Scuffles off holding crotch.)

+Later+

((Teague sits at bar.))

Scarlette: Here ya go, sir! My salmon surprise!

Giselle: (washing dishes; Looks up) The surprise is it tastes like wet hardtack!

Scarlette: Shut it! (Slams plate down in front of Teague.)

Teague: (wipes splattered salmon off chin; Grunts) Thank-you...(Chugs down rest of Captain Morgan beer) Where's that boy? I specifically told him to take a dump before we left! (Stands up and walks toward bathroom.)

((Teague is examining bathroom: Stinky urinals, graffiti on mirror, fly stuck in the stink, etc.))

Teague: Jack? You in here, buddy?

Jack: Da'? That you? (muffled noises)

Teague: Where are you? (walks down a couple stalls)

Jack: Well, remember when we flushed my old fish, Mister Goldstein down the toilet?

Teague: Yeah? (kicks open stall door)

(Mr. Goldstein sitting on toilet; Has gun pressed to Jack's head.)

Jack: (squeaks) He wasn't dead!

+Later+

((We're at the iAnna set))

((Beckett and Jack are sitting on the couch. Jack is watching European soccer and Beckett is knitting a sweater to keep Norry warm during the winter! :-) Anna and Gypsy walk in; Anna is holding a huge trophy with a potato on top))

Gypsy: So how'd you win that- (Shakes head) Nah. If it's important I'll find out later!

Anna: So, Beckett! Where were you all day! We barely saw you!

Beckett: Well, I couldn't find Norry so I decided to meet you guys for lunch...but I was three hours early...So I decided to go to the hotdog stand!

Jack: (mouth waters; dreamily talks) Oh, I want a wiener right now...(Gets the "bedroom" look from Beckett.) _What?_ (Beckett leaps and tackles Jack; brings him down from couch) No! This isn't what I meant!

(Bootstrap walks in, smiling holding new DVD player.)

Bootstrap: Hey guys! (Looks at Jack and Beckett) Ooh! Wrestling! (sets down DVD player; gets on back of couch...BODYSLAMS!)

Jack: Bootstrap! Boooootstrap! No! MISTER TURNER!

(Will runs through door)

Will: Dad!-Are-you-okay? I-heard-Jack-screaming-so-I-though-you-may-have-accidentally-eaten-your-toe-again-and-! (Wills stops suddenly in middle of living room set) What's happening?

Jack: (laying on top of Bootstrap; Lifting Beckett up off him with hands and legs) Thank-gawd, Will! Help me out here!

Bootstrap: Yeah, Will! Join the fun!

Jack: NO!

Will: (crosses arms; smiles) I'd really rather not!

Bootstrap: Will, I'm your father!

Jack: Help, whelp!

Will: That's _ONE _REASON! But no! I'm not going in! (Anna and Gypsy look at each other; Shove Will in; He kinda teeters there for a sec.) No...No! Okay!-Okay!-I'll-WOAH! (Will falls on top of Beckett. They collapse on Jack and Bootstrap.)

Jack: Will! You aren't helping me!

Will: Well _excuse_ me, Mister "Norry-needs-to-stop-complaining!" Now you see his pain!

Jack: Will, (Grunts from trying to keep Bootstrap from body-slamming his head and Beckett from pinning down any 'private areas.) what are you blabbering about? Did you put extra sugar in your cereal this morning?

Will: No clue!...and yes and now-the-room-is-spinning!

Jack: (mutters) That might be something else.

Will: (somehow ended up under Beckett and across Jack's stomach; Thumps Jack on the nose) Let's just think of a way to get out of this!

((Jimmylegs, Maccus, and Palifico walk up to Gypsy and Anna, followed by the rest of the crew.))

Palifico: Anna, why are they all wrestling?

Anna: Don't worry, Palifico, you're safe! (Kicks Jimmylegs in)

Jimmy: (lands next to heap of boys; Beckett drags in) Come on! What did I ever--I DIDN'T KNOW I HAD THAT!--do!

Maccus: (looks over) Now that's irony for Jimmy...

Gypsy: Yea-a-a-ah. (Takes whip out of pocket) BECKETT! Take Whip! (Throws Whip in)

Everyone: NO-O-O!

Maccus: (turns to Palifico) You got some bad luck all right- (Anna and Gypsy come from behind and push him in. Like will, sort of teeter-totters in.) Nuh-uh! No! No! I-wanna-keep-my-innocence! (flips over and lands on Beckett, whom was once on top again, and collapses on everybody.)

Gypsy: Too bad!

Hadras: (walks through door) What I miss?

Gypsy: Innocence.

Hadras: What?

Anna: Hadras, if you had to pick a part of your body to get laid, which part of you would you choose?

Hadras: Probably my body. Why? (Dutchman Crew slaps foreheads'; Anna bops head off) Hey! (Gypsy pushes body in.) WHAT ARE YOU DOING! (Anna picks head up) Can't you stop he-her or THEM?

Anna: You know, the sad thing is _I_ can't. The second thing is that you've never been laid...We intend to fix that!

Hadras: (head hops and turns around in Anna's arms.) No! Hinito! Hinito! Go left! Turn around! No, go right!...No-o-o-o-o, THAT'S NOT RIGHT! You can't bend that way and don't go there! HINITO!

(Anna and Gypsy are eating popcorn and cracking up; Teague walks in, sees the crying Jack, Will, Jimmy, and Maccus. She looks and sees the headless Hadras.)

Teague: (sighs) This is what I get for joining a web-show created by two 13-year olds...(pulls out chunk of popcorn) Hey Beckett! Want the popcorn? (Throws it off set) Go get it and you get to lay James!

(Beckett runs off set; The boys stand up; Teague wraps blanket around Will and Jack as Jimmy, Maccus, and Hadras's body stand up and brush selves off.)

Jimmy: (glares at Anna) I...am going to ki-i-i-i-ill yo-o-o-ou.

Maccus: (glares at Gypsy) And _you're_ doomed. Cap'n's gonna kill _you. _

((Cuts to shot of Davy sitting in Commentary Chair))

Davy: (shaking head) I don't care...I just don't care. I'm not living your lives.

((Cuts back))

Hadras's head: (still in Anna's arms) Hinito! Here! (body walks over; head hops on and starts crying) 'weep' I'm sorry, Hinito! 'weep' (Body's arms go behind back; Gives thumbs-ups.)

Palifico: And _you_ two! (Gypsy and Anna raise eyebrows) We all love you guys, right crew? (All nod and cheer in agreement.)

Wheelback: No! I will never forgive Gypsy!

Palifico: What did she do to you? You're a nobody. You're lower than a comic-relief character!

Wheelback: At last year's Christmas part I got drunk and she tricked me to shave my legs...(Gypsy shifts eyes; Wheelback clutches Palifico's shirt collar and shakes him.) IT NEVER GROWS BACK THE SAME, MAN!...Now I have to shave every other day just to make it look natural!

Jack: (is wrapped in a blanket with Will; coughs) Emo eunuch! (coughs)

Will: (laughs and chuckles; then clutches stomach in pain) Ow! Ow!...It hurts to laugh...

Norry: (peeks head through side of door) Is it safe to come in now? I-is the bad man gone?

Beckett: (comes out of virtually NOWHERE) NO-ORRI-E-E-E-E-E-E! (Runs at him)

Norry: (eyes widen) OH CRAP! (turns around to run; Beckett tackles and they land outside and off the set.)

Gypsy: (rolls eyes; turns to camera) Well, that's it for the episode and-Norry-you're-living-with-Beckett-from-now-on-and-GOOD NIGHT EVERYBODY!!

Norry: (claws/crawls way back in) What?!

* * *

**You liked it? Loved it? This is the only ending material I got so give me some damn ideas!! Now press that li'l' lavender button like it's YOUR LIFE!!**

And Yay for You! We're introducing a new character to the show next time!! _And_ a slight guest apperance by Mr. Mercer! But for the title or the next chapter! -Which is a dead givaway: **Barbossa Quits the World.  
--Sincerely yours, Gypsy.**


	5. Barbossa Quits the World

**Gypsy: Sorry for the uber-long update but NOBODY _reviewed_!We have had this done since we uploaded the last chapter! So, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease review and tell your friends how you ROFLMAO! Once again, please? See I'm being nice! WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT TELL YOU!?**

**Anna: Yeah, we're switching places! She's sitting right next to me wearing a SKIRT and a freaking PINK shirt! **

**Gypsy: (glares) It's just a pink _plaid_ over blouse! And my tank top is black!**

**Anna: With a _horse_ on it! (Gypsy stands up; walks away) Wait! Where you going? At least bring me back a snow-con! (Not an sp)**

**Gypsy: You mean _cone! _(Slams door)**

**Anna: Just enjoy the chapter!**

A/N: Yeah, we updated the same chapter again. Had to put a little extra something at the bottom! Screw you and deal with it! (Deleting then updating again is a good way to earn more hits!) --Gypsy

* * *

((Norry is sitting in a corner of the set, weeping. AnaMaria and Arabella rush up and hug Norry, worried about him. Gypsy walks behind him.))

Gypsy: (slaps Norry) Why you crying?!

Anna: (shoos Gypsy way; looks at Norry) So-o-o, how was your first night with Beckett?

Norry: (Flashback in deleted scene; Glares at Gypsy) I. Despise. You. Severely.

Gypsy: (smiles) That means my work is complete!

Anna: (feels Norry's forehead) He's definitely sick in the head.

Arabella: Maybe he needs a psychologist?

Norry: (looks up at Bella) Or maybe a big pity kiss to secure my masculinity! (closes eyes and puckers lips)

Bella: Yea-a-a-ah, no! (Norry tries to hug; Bella pushes away with hand against his forehead; Norry still pushes to hug.)

Gypsy: I don't think he ever had any.

Anna: (glares at Gypsy) Just do something! Be helpful and call a psychologist! ...(mutters) Speaking of helpfulness, what did you do with the plant weeds I told you to pick out from the garden?

Gypsy: Oh, _dandelion_ weeds?

Anna: What did you think I meant! Actual _weed? _

(Davy walks through room. His shirt is lifted up and,0 er, has a clown face painted over his stomach. The Dutchman Crew and Tia Dalma are following, concerned.)

Davy: 'Ello Cookie Monste-e-e-e-er!

Anna: Call for everybody! (turns to Gypsy) And WHEN DID WE START GROWING WEED?! You all know Davy's cutting back on suicide!! (looks around) Where'd Davy go?

Tia: (sighs) I'll activate the "Davy Cam." (turns on TV monitor)

((To a TV Monitor))

Davy: (standing on Empire State Building) I'm a pretty little fairy! I BELIEVE I CAN FLY! (jumps off)

((Back to the Cast))

Tia, Bella, Anna, and DC: (all gasp) DAVY, DON'T JUMP! (Static on TV)

Tia: (puts hands to mouth) Oh no!

Gypsy: (on cell) Shut up! I'm on my cell!

Twohead: (Head 1:) But Gypsy, (Head 2:) You don't _have_ a cell!

Gypsy: Fine! It's AnaMaria's!

Anna: Wha? Who are you calling?!

Gypsy: (looks up slowly) Norway?

(Tia turns on 12 News)

Announcer 1: And it's spectacular! You've heard of a giant squid, or _kraken_ as some call them, but today, in NYC, a singing,flying squid!

ALL: Ho-Ly. Crap.

Anna: That's it. Someone get Davy back. We have a psychologist appointment!

* * *

+Later+

-- Anna --

(Anna walks into the psychologist's office. Barbossa is sitting at the desk.)

Anna: (whispers) She hired _Barbossa?! _Gre-e-a-at. (sits down) Let's get this over with...

(Barbossa holds up a small, rubber ladybug. Anna screams and hides behind her chair.)

Anna: What the hell is that!?

Barbossa: (sighs) This is going to be harder than I thought. It's a ladybug, Anna.

Anna: I DON'T CARE WHAT IT IS!

Barbossa: Bt you just ask--

Anna: (gives death glare) I asked you nothing! (whispers) I got bit by a spider today. (looks at Barbossa) Now for my spidey-escape! (jumps out _closed_ window; Lands with a crunch and a thud; From outside:) OW! I'M OKAY! I THINK I JUST SPRAINED SOMETHING! ("Crunch!") NOPE, IT'S BROKEN! ("Crunch!") Yep, broken.

+Later+

--Gypsy--

Barbossa: (looks at paper, then looks back up.) Now, what makes you angry?

Gypsy: EVERYTHING!

Barbossa: Can you be any more specific?

Gypsy: Yes! Davy and DC, AnaMaria, you, Norry, Beckett, Jack, Will, Elizabeth, Teague, Norry, the United States, Norry, Zeus, Norry, the WORLD, and...Hmm...did I mention...JAMES CATHEDRAL NORRINGTON!?

Barbossa: I take it you have, what we psychologists call, Chronic Norryitis.

Gypsy: I have what now?

Barbossa: Your deep hatred over your cousin is making it so you hate everyone and _everything_ else.

Gypsy: Not true!

Barbossa: Then explain your aggressiveness!

Gypsy: What aggressiveness?! (with each _italicized _word, throws another random object) I'm _pretty_ and _smart_ and _talented_ and _happy_ and _NICE!!_

Barbossa: (grins widely; sarcastically) Okay, then! (reaches over and turns timer dial) Oh, look at that, our time's up! So sorry, Gypsy. (pushes gypsy out of office) See you never!

(Gypsy pouts then sees Norry; The following is only heard. We are still in Barbossa's office.)

Norry: Hi Gypsy!

(Gypsy: (walks over to Norry; punches him in the face; knees him in the gut; kicks him in the nuts; and thwacks him in the head) Why you happy?!

(Norry curls up in a ball and scoots over into a closet where it is supposedly safe. We hear a high-pitched scream.)

Norry: No! Beckett! Leave that vacuum alone. No...wait...What are you going to do with that crevice device?! (Screams!)

Gypsy: (skips away singing "I Love Life") I love life, life loves me, everything in the wo-o-o-orld makes me ha-a-a-ppy-y--y-y!

+Later+

--Jack--

(Jack walks into room and sits down.)

--Two Seconds Later--

Jack: And-when-I-was-three, -my daddy tried to kill me for the _seventh _time! -And-then-when-I-was-three, -for the three-hundred-sixty-fifth-time, my-daddy-tried-to-drown-me-and-then--

Barbossa: (banging head on table repeatedly; "Bump! Bump! Bump!") Okay, "THUMP" Jack. Let's skip to the most recent homicide attempt!

Jack: (perks up and grins) Oh! My dad pushed me out of a four story window before we left!

Barbossa: Oka-a-ay. (mumbles) I'll have to talk to Teague...

+A couple minutes later+

Barbossa: Okay, Jack. Just tell me the first sentence that comes to mind. (Holds up chair; gestures to desk; and holds up lamp.)

Jack: I love chair! I love desk! I love...lamp.

Barbossa: Do you _really_ love the lamp, Jack? Or are you just saying you love it because you saw it?

Jack: I LOVE LAMP!...

Barbossa: Or are you saying that because your _daddy_ doesn't love you?

Jack: I love...apple. (Takes apple out of big bowl on desk)

Barbossa: No! Not Betsy! (Takes apple and clutches to chest.) Take-John! (Nods to bowl quickly) Nobody likes him!

(Anime tear falls down random apple; Jack grabs it)

John: (sticks out big cartoon tongue and spits at Jack who recoils) Barbossa was right! You _are_ a sap! (Jumps off and hops away)

Jack: (points) You see!

Barbossa: Fine! Take Zeus! He doesn't complain nearly_ half_ as much as_ you _do! (Shoves apple into Jack's hands; Pushes out door.)

((Zeus up on his cloud))

Zeus: What! You name some apple after me then let some kid eat it? No!...(lifts hands) I'm going to kill Davy for this!

((Back to Barbossa's Waiting Room))

Jack: (steps out door, drops apple) What happened to you?

Davy: (sitting in chair black and burned completely; tip of hat on fire) I think I was just struck by lightning...

Jack: (takes piece of Davy's tentacles; pops in mouth) Mmmm!

Davy: You little--! (Tries to pounce on Jack. Tia and Maccus hold him back as he snarls; Jack leaps back as Laura pulls him back in a protective hug.)

Jack: (chews) Hold up! It just isn't the same without salt!

Liz: Here! I got it! (runs up; throws open tubber-wear container at Jack's face.)

Jack: AAAAH! I meant for Davy!!

(Liz wears an innocent smile but demonic eyes. Hands another container to Davy.)

(Davy: Ah, thank-you. (Smiles evilly...then chucks at Jack!)

Jack: (rubs eyes) IT BURNS! (collapses on floor and wildly kicks; Body moves around in circles.) GET-IT-OFF! GET-IT-OFF! GET-IT-OFF!

((Cuts to Barbossa in Barbossa's Office))

Barbossa: (is doing paperwork. Answers cell-phone as it starts ringing.) One new text message...

"Every1 hurting me xcept Dad!"

Barbossa: Of course! (Walks out door) JACK! Just deal with-- (Jack is still rolling on floor) What in the bloomin' seas? (checks text ID)

"Jack's Sub-conscious"

Barbossa: (sighs, rolls eyes, and shakes head) I hate this show. (turns to rest of room) DUTCHMAN CREW, YOU'RE NEXT!

--Dutchman Crew--

((All are talking and yelling at same time crowded in Barbossa's office; Barbossa has his head on table.)

"I can't work without a spine!...Not enough dicipline!...THEY KEEP TAKING WHIP!...'Thump! Thump!' Burning 100 calories an ho-o-o-our!"

Barbossa: (slowly raises head and rubs temples) All right...All right! Stop it and HADRAS YOU AREN'T BURNING ANY CALORIES! Everyone, stow it! (room falls silent) Please...One at a time...Could you all agree on one thing to complain about?

All: DAVY! (Hadras is a little late: Bla! Blah! Blah! Babble! Babble, Davy.)

+Later+

--Davy--

Barbossa: Now, Davy. Is there any...How should I put this?..._Disturbances_ on your ship?

Davy: (leans forward; blows pipe smoke in Barbs' face) Far...too...many...

Barbs: Well I formed a trust exercise for you and--

Davy: HELL NO!

* * *

((Barbossa, Tia, Maccus, and Davy are on Sky Walk; Crew is down below))

Koleniko: (calls up) It's all right, Captain! We'll catch you! We PROMISE!

Davy: (calls down) Okay! (Turns to Barbossa) When do I jump?

Barbossa: When you're ready.

Tia: Are you sure ye should do dis?

Davy: What? They promised they'd catch me if something went wrong with the bungee cord!

Tia: You also promised you'd lose 50 pounds!

Davy: (pats stomach) Well, if I go splat then I have a 50 pound cushion!

Tia: (blanks out and blinks) ...You could splat?

Maccus: Would that be a bad thing? (Barbossa's cell goes off.)

Barbossa: (answers) Hello?...No! Jack! I don't care! Do you think I can drop everything and listen to _your_ PROBLEMS? (hangs up and throws phone off edge; clutches Davy's shirt) WHY did I give my cell number to the most emotionally-trampled KID on EARTH?!

Davy: (blinks; Barbs invading personal space) I'm gonna jump now. (leaps off)

Barbossa: Maccus, did you clip and secure the bungee cord?

Maccus: (really fast) Of-course-I-did! (Holds up cord) Did-you-think-I-was-some-forgetful-turd-like-Morey-or-Penrod-or-Hadras-or- (Cord slips from hands.) No.

(Davy is free falling. Barbossa, Tia, and Maccus peer over edge.)

Tia: Please, daddy! Don't-let-him-splat! Don't-let-him-splat! (repeats and repeats quietly)

Maccus: (grunts) I told you he was too fat.

((Down Below to DC))

Koleniko: You all ready? (All nod))

Hadras: I just had a thought...What if something goes wrong?

Koleniko: (clenches teeth) Then we all catch him.

Hadras: But what if--

Koleniko: Look, Hadras. It's a simple plan! (Looks up at the free-falling Davy.) We just...get underneath him...and...(Davy is getting bigger and closer) hold out our arms...(All look up) ...RUNAWAY! HE'S GONNA SQUISH US!!

(All of Dutchman Crew scramble out of the way screaming their heads off! Davy splats flat on his stomach and face. He then gets struck by lightening and gets all black and crispy again.)

Davy: ...Ow.

* * *

Barbossa: Norry and Mercer! Your turn!

(Norry and Mr. Mercer walk in and sit down)

Barbossa: (lays back in chair and bites John) All right, shoot!

Norry: Well, there's basically one thing my life is made of...Beckett raping me.

Mercer: (perks up) That's your _life? _That's _my_ dream!

Norry: You can _have_ him!

Mercer: I think I need a hug from my Care Bear.

Barbossa: Ri-i-i-ight. (turns to Norry and gives him a pill bottle) Okay, Norry. I think you need these. Just give one to Beckett every night before bed.

Norry: (looks at pill bottle) What will it do?

Barbossa: I'm not sure. It'll either turn him completely straight, or enhance his performance ten-fold.

Norry: (eyes widen) WHAT?! (slams pills back on desk) I am _NOT_ taking _THAT_ risk!! Enhance...that's TOTALLY different! How could you confuse those two?!

Mercer: (dazed) Enhance...I'd like that. (takes pill bottle) I'LL RISK IT!

Barbossa: You might want these, too. (hands another bottle to Norry)

Norry: What? What do these do? (sniffs) Yick! Did you find these in a dumpster?

Barbossa: At the bottom; In West Quohog...

Norry: YOU MEAN THE GAY CAPITOL OF THE WORLD?

Mercer: (drops Care Bear key-chain) I'll take those too. (Slowly reaches for bottle)

(Norry and Barbossa look at Mercer, disturbed.)

Barbossa: Umm, your time is up. Send Beckett in!

--Beckett--

Barbossa: (sitting across from Beckett.) Beckett, I just talked to Norry and Mercer and--

Beckett: (grins) What did they sa-a-a-ay?

Barbossa: It appears you have some...disturbing issues...

Beckett: (smile disappears) What? No! YOU HAVE ISSUES! (Crosses arms, sticks nose in air and shifts around...Something hits him in that little head of his and gives Barbs "the eyes.") Now get your butt over here. (Walks over and locks door.)

Barbossa: (squeaks) Wha-a-at? No way! (runs to door and tries to open locked door.) You locked it?

Beckett: (nods) Now, are you going to get your candy-apple ass over here or what?

Barbossa: Over. My. Dead. Body! (Runs to window, begins pounding on the recently replaced glass.) ANNA! GYPSY! MER-CER! SOMEONE! HE-E-E-ELP! (Beckett pulls Barbossa away and pounces on him, tackling him behind his desk) NO! I DON'T THINK THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BEND THAT WAY!

* * *

((In Barbossa's Waiting Room))

Teague: Then you tie it up and chuck the ashes into the ocean, leaving no proof of anything! That's the Sparrow way!

Laura: I thought the Sparrow way was three pancakes and a poached egg on the side?

Teague: _That's_ the Sparrow _breakfast_ way!

(Barbossa marches out of room, clothes _shredded_ and eyes darkened)

Anna: (hobbles up on a crutch) Barbossa! What happened?

Barbossa: I quit! (walks towards Gypsy) I will need to move to Antarctica and start my life over.

Gypsy: Oh don't be silly!...The Arctic is _much_ closer!

Anna: Wait! You quit the psychology position?

Barbossa: Yes. I quit the psychology position! I quit the cast! I quit your notebook AND I QUIT THE WORLD!!

Gypsy: (faces camera and winks) Don't worry, this won't be the last time you see Hector Barbossa!

Barbossa: Yes it is!

Gypsy: (flatly) No.

Anna: Your moving to Jupiter but coming back next time as a teacher! You can quit, but we are the writers!!

Barbossa: Sorry, but there is NO way I'm teaching a bunch of snotty-nosed brats!

Anna: (rolls eyes) Don't worry, Beckett isn't a student...(Barbossa sighs with relief) He's the PRINCIPAL!

Barbossa: ...(Eyes roll in back of head; faints)

Jack: (runs to Barbs' side. Starts poking.) Hello? Hello? Hello? Da' tried to hit me again-- (Barbs sub-consciously slaps Jack in sleep.) Ow! IS THERE NO ONE WHO WILL UNDERSTAND?

Gypsy: (flatly) No.

* * *

**Anna: Okay, hope you liked it! Please review! (Looks at Gypsy who just walked in.) DId you get my snow-_Cone?_**

**Gypsy: Yeah yeah yeah! (gives Anna cone) **

**Anna: Thank-you! (Looks down at empty cone) This is dessertless! **

**Gypsy: Yeaaaaah. I saw a hobo on your couch and he looked hungry.**

**Anna: (Gives Gypsy weird look) You mean my BROTHER? (mumbles to self) Maybe I can plunge it out of him. (Runs into bathroom, comes out with plunger)**

**Anna's dad: Anamaria! What are you doing with that! **

**Anna: (rolls eyes) Don't worry! I'll wash it when I'm _done_! (runs down hall to living room and her brother, Eric) SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND! (Starts plunging his mouth) Must. Get. Snowcone!**

**Gypsy: Why do I even come over here anymore? (Turns to camera) Ideas and fangirls are definetly welcome! Sry to say...But we are a _tad_ stuck. And to **Mrs.DeppQueenObsessorGoddess,** you'll make it in as a fangirl for the school episode! We apologize for the delay. **


	6. Here comes the brideman

**We are a thousand times sorry for not updating when we planned to! We were going to do it a week ago, but Anna couldn't sleep over at my house as planned. Our schools start in September instead of late August like most schools do. I've been busy with my volleyball and Anamaria with her basketball. But, here's the first glimpse of what school's gonna be like! Hope you enjoy it! **

**We hope it's long enough for you! Basically this whole thing wsa improv. **

**--Gypsy**

* * *

((All of the adults on iAnna and others are gathered in the iAnna lounge. Gypsy is up front.))

Gypsy: Okay everyone! You're all probably wondering why you're here. You will be-

Davy: Is it because school is starting and you need teachers?

Gypsy: Okay, so you know this, but what you _don't _know is-

Davy: That all the teachers mysteriously "disappeared" and you need us to teach or the show won't go on?

Gypsy: (clenches teeth and fists.) SO you know that too.. Would _you_ like to run the meeting?

Davy: No, then I'd have to _stand._

Gypsy: (sighs) But what you have to do is-

Davy: Is that-

Gypsy: (turns to Davy) Is that if you don't shut up, you don't get deep-fried crap!

Davy: (Gypsy goes on talking. Davy turns to Tia and whispers) You said there wasn't going to be any food!

Tia: Well now there is! Why are you complaining?

Davy: Well, you lied to me! That matters some! (wags claw at Tia) We need more trust!

Gypsy: So, can anyone teach anything/ If not, Anna's coming to assign jobs.

Laura: I'm fluent in French!

Teague: Aye, I'm good in Spanish!

Gibbs: (shifts eyes) I used to teach social studies!

Teague: (turns to him) No you didn't! You spent the whole day _sleeping!_ What would you know about, say, the Ancient Greeks?

Gibbs: Well, I was there. I saw the Trojan War.

((Flashback to Sparta))

Joshamee Gibbs: (stops on the corner of the Spartan Palace; waves to a young girl) Hey, Helen! Waz up!! (Helen is pronounced Alaina)

Helen: (waves) Hey Joshamee!

Menelaus: (runs up and grabs Helen's arm.) Helen! What are you doing checking out other men! You are married to _me_!!

Helen: Yeah, but he's hotter and ripped!

Gibbs: (pops a Hershey bar into his mouth; shirt rips open and his rum belly peeps out; eyes widen) I should run now...(runs away. Trips over a stick and passes out.)

Menelaus: ...I shall invade Troy!!

((End of Flashback))

Laura: Wha-what? How are you _living?_

Teague: You're older than I thought...Wait, what happened to Hottie Helen anyway?

Laura: (gives death glare) Excusé Moi?

Teague: (stutters) B-but nearly not as hot as you!...No, wait...You_ could_ spend a few minutes on the stair master...(Laura hits him) Owwwwww! (Laura still glares) I-love-you. I-respect-you. Let's move on!

Gypsy: Okay, anybody else-

Davy: Gibbs, what happened to Helen anyway?

Gypsy: Hey! I was talking you Pudgy Bastard!

Gibbs: Hot.

Davy: No, what _happened_ to her.

Gibbs: (dazedly) ...Hot...

(AnaMaria walks into room carrying box of doughnuts)

AnaMaria: Okay guys, pig in! (drops box on coffee table)

Davy: (lunges forward) MY BABIES! (Tia and Palifico hold him back)

Tia: No! You're getting yours last!

Davy: But whyyyyy?

Tia: Because everyone goes for the creamy-frosty-fattening ones first! And we all just put you on a diet!

Palifico: (watches everyone take doughnuts) And jelly-filled! Don't forget the jelly-filled! Then you're stuck with the wheat one!...(Davy glares) ...Captain!...Man, you're life sucks right now.

Anna: Okay, guys! Here's the list:

Laura -- French (extra-curricular)

Teague -- Spanish (extra-curricular) and P.E.

Gibbs: --Social Studies

Tia Dalma -- Chemistry

Gypsy: And Davy...(really fast) Biology-and-life-sciences...(trails off)

Pintel -- F.A.C.E.

Ragetti -- Bus Driver

Beckett -- Principal

Barbossa -- Lunch Lady-Man and Student Councelor

Weatherby Swann -- Chorus (extra-curricular)

Mistress Ching -- Math

Zeus -- Greek Mythology (extra-curricular)

Davy: (is eyeing the dougnut box. Two are left) YES! I get a choice!

(Barbossa suddenly crashes through roof and lands behind couch. Dust and rubble fall over everybody.)

Gypsy: Barbossa! You're late! Get you're apple-jelly doughnut and sit down!

Barbossa: Well _somebody_ put me on Jupiter! You told me FALL OFF! Do you know how long it takes to figure that out? (looks around) Where's Jackie?

(Jack the Monkey floats down on a parachute and lands on Gypsy's shoulder.)

Barbossa: You gave _Jack_ a parachute?

Anna: She's a sap for animals. Now get your doughnut! (points to Davy) He grabbed the apple one.

Davy: (stows doughnut in mouth) I don't have anything! I don't even _like_ doughnuts!

Barbossa: YES YOU DO. GIVE IT! (tackles Davy. Starts banging his head on coffee table)

Davy: THERE'S NO DOUGHNUT...AND IT'S NOT APPLE...AND THERE'S NO DOUGHNUT!

Barbossa: I DON'T TRUST YOU!

Davy: NOBODY TRUST ME!

Zeus: No, Davy. Nobody _likes _you.

Tia: I do!

Zeus: No you don't! (lightening flashes in his eyes)

Tia: That doesn't work anymore, and I do like him! You don't control my life! (Tia turns to Davy and Barbossa) ENOUGH! (Palifico and Tia pull Barbossa off of Davy. Palifico gives Davy the Heimlich Maneuver. Davy spits out doughnut)

Davy: Great! Now the only one left is that muffin!

Barbossa: (glares at Davy) Never. Eat. My. Apple food. Again. (takes muffing and reluctantly takes bite.) And this is a prune-bran wheat bagel! Good and healthy! (perks up) We should split it! (breaks in half; hands to Davy) I like to call it Nature's Broom!

Maccus: (mumbles) Poop out some of that fat.

Davy: (takes bagel; flesh burns) Ah! (drops bagel) Ugly baby burns me! (collapses onto floor)

Gypsy: (picks up paper) Okay, finished! Davy? Mind if we take some of your crew for-

Davy: (pops upright) PLEASE!

Gypsy: (smiles) Bootstrap-

Bootstrap: HOW DO YOU KNOW MY LANGUAGE! (whispers) Was it the alien?

Anna: Yeah. It was the alien.

Bootstrap: (points at Davy) ALIEN INVASION! (chucks doughnut at Davy's face)

Davy: (licks doughnut custard off face. whimpers) Please sell Bootstrap on ebay...

Gypsy: Bootstrap, you and Greenbeard are custodians. Maccus, tell Jimmy he's Detention Homeroom and nurse. And _you_ are the assistant biology teacher!

Davy: Wait, who's the _main_ bio teacher? (he looks around and everybody is staring at him.) Well, who?

Barbossa: (referring to Bootstrap) Why do I have to spend the night with _that _guy?

Anna: Because you're apartment won't be ready until tomorrow. Honestly, we didn't know you'd be alive!

Barbossa: (grumbles) Because _somebody_ didn't give me an oxygen helmet!

Gypsy: (grins) Some of my best work ever!

* * *

-The Next Day-

((Everybody is on iAnna except Bootstrap, Will, and Barbossa. Davy's arms are folded and he is GRUMPY. Gypsy and Anna are in front of him, Maccus is by his side, and Jimmylegs and Greenbeard are behind them.))

Davy: Why? Why me? It's not right! WHY?

Anna: Well, you're are a squid! Life science and biology...deals with...squids!

Davy: Why do I need an ASSISTANT who tries to murder me on daily basis!

Maccus: Because they don't trust you not to eat the dissection tests?

Davy: (stands up) IS THAT TRUE?

Gypsy: You ate your family at the mall, ate all of Dunkin' Doughnuts inventory, and swallowed a little boy at Starbucks!

Davy: (sits back down) I was saving my family, it buy-one-get-one-free, and he had powdered sugar on his face and sprinkles in his hair. IT WAS A MISTAKE!

Jimmylegs: (pops up from behind seat) Come on, Captain! It'll be fun!

Davy: (turns around) You're idea of fun is _torture_.

Jimmylegs: Exactly!

Davy: (slinks down) At least I'm not a nurse.

Jimmylegs: HUH?!

Gypsy: (turns to Maccus) You didn't tell him?!

Maccus: (shifts eyes) Oops.

Jimmylegs: I'm outta here! (Jumps out of seat and runs down the aisle. Feet suddenly stick in place. Tries to pull them off) Come on!

Gypsy: (twirling pencil casually, gazing out window) Didn't we just pass Will's stop? He wasn't there.

Anna: (call to front) Ragetti, pull the bus around!

Ragetti: Aye, aye! (turns bus around to Will and Bootstrap's house.)

Anna: Jack! You and Norry go get Will!

((Jack and Norry walk up to Will's house. Barbossa comes crashing through the door leaving Barbossa-shaped hole))

Barbossa: GET ME OUTTA THEEEEEEEEERE!!

(Jack and Norry look through the hole then crawl through. They find Will packing his backpack)

Jack: Will, why are you taking so long?

WIll: Well, sorry! I overslept! I forgot to set my alarm last night.

Jack: My dad _never_ let's me oversleep!

Will: Yeah, that's because he can't wait to get you out of the house! But yeah, I forgot to set it, or Dad tripped over the cord last night.

Norry: (groans) Lucky!...Beckett turns of my alarm on _purpose!_

Jack: Uh huh. So, um...

Norry: What was with Barbossa?

((Flashback to the Middle of the Night))

(Barbossa is sleeping on a trundle bed next to Will's bed. A little red poof-ball hops across the room. We'll call him Jub-Jub from those Burger King commercials. Jub-Jub scurries and hops over Barbossa's face.)

Barbossa: (scratches nose; slightly opens eyes; mumbles) Stupid...little. (picks up Jub-Jub who tries to kiss his nose) Hmm...You're kind of like my old baseball. (chucks Jub-Jub across the room, into Will's bathroom which hits the wall and falls down into toilet Bootstrap storms into room.)

Bootstrap: (is wearing a very short robe) Barbossa! Will! Have you seen Jub-Jub?

Will: Mmmmmm...

Barbossa: (groans) Bathroom...

Bootstrap: (whispers) Thanks! (climbs over Will's bed, climbs over Barbossa's bed. Stands and hovers over Barbossa's head.) Where's Jub-Jub in the bathroom?

Barbossa: Toilet...And I'm asleep and I don't think I want to wake up...

Will: (dazedly turns over in bed. Looks at Bootstrap and Barbossa) Barbossa, wake up.

Barbossa: No.

Will: (sing-song voice) I've got aaaaaaappleeeeeees!

Barbossa: Really?! (eyes snap open) ...Wrong apples! (eyes snap shut) Will, why would you do that?!

Will: (smiles in sleep) I was bored.

Barbossa: You were half asleep. How could you be bored and BOOTSTRAP MOVE!!

Bootstrap: (is clueless) But I'm comfortable here! (yawns) I could fall asleep right now! (Bootstrap slowly falls and passes out. Head is at Barbs' feet and if you catch our drift, Barbossa is whimpering!)

Will: So? Gypsy's completely asleep and she tries to kill people!

((Flashback in a Flashback))

(Gypsy is sleeping on iAnna couch. Anna walks up)

Anna: Hey, Gypsy-

Gypsy: (talking in sleep) Wake me up and it'll be the last thing you ever do. (Jack runs up)

Jack: (starts poking her with a stick) You up yet? You up yet? You up yet? You up yet? You up yet? You up yet? You up yet? Wake up! It's a happy day, Dad didn't kill me yet! Wake uuuup! (this repeats, "Wake uuuuuup! Wake uuuuuuup! Damn that's even more annoying.)

Gypsy: (pulls remote out of nowhere and presses button. Jack just freaking exploded! I repeat-

JACK JUST FREAKING EXPLODED! Now there's a big black scorch mark and Gypsy's gonna make Anna clean it.

Anamaria: Dang it Jack! If you're gonna explode, at least do it _neatly_!

((Next Flashback after the First Flashback))

(Barbossa is back asleep and Bootstrap had left the room. Jub-Jub comes back into room and nuzzles under Barb's chin)

Barbossa: (asleep) Aw...Apples...(Picks up Jub-Jub and swallows him whole.) I love you, Apples, but you need to shave your skin.

Will: (lying wide awake in bed staring at the ceiling) He talks in his sleep, but half the things he says about apples I didn't even know was legal...or logical! (pulls covers over head) I'm just gonna ask Gypsy tomorrow.

((End of Flashbacks))

Will: I'm not so sure. Nothing out of the usual happened last night. (The three of them actually open the door and walk out the door) Did I ever tell you guys that my dad doesn't wear underwear when he sleeps?

**When we introduce someone, that would be an important factor. NO! We did not need to know that!**

((Now everyone is on bus heading to school))

Jack: (watching Arabella study rapidly) Um, Bella? ARe you actually _studying_ for the first day of school?

Arabella: Yeah.

Jack: Why?

Bella: Well, what if there's a placement test for the first day?

Jack: But who _studies_ for that? (All kids mumble and raise hands)

Will: I brought flash cards! (Holds them up)

Elizabeth: I made my dad quiz me this morning.

Norry: I crammed last night.

Anamaria: I ace that thing every year.

Gypsy: (shrugs) Not that hard.

Hadras: What's a test?

Jack: (does double-takes) So _everyone_ studied? (All nod and shrug) WHAT?! (Hands scurry around jean pockets and book bag for pencil) I need to take notes!

Anna: Um, Jack. Gypsy and I can give you extra credit if you chaperone a new student...

Jack: (perks up over seat) Really? Awsome! What's the whelp's name?

Anna: (coughs) Fitzwilliam P. Dalton III (coughs)

Jack: (gives death glare) Who. Did. You. Say?

Gypsy: (sighs) Mine and Norry's cousin. I call 'im Fitzy!

Jack: (grinds teeth) Fine! I'll baby-sit the prat for extra-credit! (sits down. Whispers to Bella) I'll light his hair on fire at lunch. (Bella pokes Jack's shoulder with pen point) Ow! I don't think I deserved that.

Beckett: (scoots closer to Norry whom is next to him; in dreamy voice) Can I be Norry's chaperone? (arm wraps around Norry.)

Norry: Um, no thanks. (scoots away. Beckett scoots over more.) This is a special first day of school, don't make me break out the pepper-spray. (Beckett scoots over, Norry scoots over off and unlogically sits in the air like on Spongebob) I'm sitting on air, aren't I?

Beckett: (nods) Yep. (hand slowly reaches for the empty space below Norry.)

Norry: GAH! (falls flat on back to bus floor) SPARE ME!

Beckett: I have been answered...(stands up on seat and prepares to jump on Norry)

(Beckett freezes in air)

Beckett: Please let me fall! Come on!!

Gypsy: (pointing pencil at couple like a wizard wand) No! Not today BEckett!

Jack: IS THAT A PENCIL? I need that!

Gypsy: YEah, um. (Jack snatches pencil out of Gypsy's hand. He starts rapidly writing notes.)

Norry: (shakes head) Jack, no!

Anna: (sighs) Fine... I'll sketch a mattress in between you two! (begins to sketch; Gypsy takes pencil away)

Gypsy: NO! Don't!

Anna and Norry: Whyyy?

Gypsy: Because _you _can't freaking draw!! Remember in third grade when you tried to sketch a germ? It looked like Davy's beard! Then last month when you tried to draw_ Davy,_ it was just a big blob!

Anna: HEY! I thought that was very accurate!

Davy: Oh, no! Go on and talk about me! I'm not insulted AT ALL!!

Gypsy: Glad you feel that way, Davy!

Norry: Um, hey! I think we got away from the true problem here! (waves hands frantically)

Gypsy: What are you talking about? Davy _is_ a problem! (lightening suddenly fills the bus. Zeus appears in the seat next to Davy)

Zeus: It's true! (gives Davy a death glare) I used him for a fire target once and he wouldn't stay still! You don't think that's a problem?

Anna: He's standing still now.

Zeus: Very true. (Chucks a fireball at Davy and zaps him with lightening)

Davy: (is all black and crispy again) You know, since I'm the new biology teacher, I can dissect anything...INCLUDING GREEK GODS!

Tia: Oh no you aren't!

Gypsy: Enough of this! We're coming to Fitzy's stop! (takes Anna's pencil, levitates Beckett back to his seat, levitates Norry next to Will.)

(Fitzwilliam P. Dalton walks onto bus.)

Fitzwilliam: (looks for a place to sit, spots some familiar faces.) Hey Gyps, Norry! (looks at Arabella; waves) Hi Arabella!

Arabella: (waves back) Hello Fitzwilliam. (Will, Norry, and Jack all give Fitzy MAJOR death glares)

Fitzy: ...What did I do? (shrugs and sits down in empty seat)

Beckett: (looks over at the new kid, Fitzy. Walks over and sits next to him; Everybody stares while Anna and Gypsy are trying not to crack up; Anna failed.) Sorry, it was the only empty seat on the bus!

Norry: Fitzy, I think you might want to pick a different seat...

Beckett: NO! (clings to Fitzy) This is the closest thing I have to Norry!! You're all blood, right?

Fitzy: (eyes widen) HEY! Back off dude! I don't even know you!

Beckett: But do you really have to know someone to know everything about them?

Fitzy: I have a taser! (shocks Beckett; Beckett passes out, thumb automatically pops into his mouth.)

Davy: How come Norry didn't turn out that way?

(Norry, Will, and Jack are still glaring at Fitzwilliam)

Will: He's moving in on my woman...(turns to Norry) You kneel down, I'll push him over you into Beckett's room!

Jack: (jumps into Will and Norry's seat) I'm helping!

--Moments Later--

(Jack is in the front of the bus, Will is in the back. Both are pushing Fitzy up and down the aisle like a pinball ball)

Arabella: Guys! Guys! Leave him alone!

Jack: Oh, yeah! We'll leave him alone! (whispers to Norry) In the middle of busy traffic!

Anna: Gypsy, you can't let them do that!

Gypsy: (is absorbed in reading a magazine) Oh, I'm sure he's fine! Hey! Did you know purple is the new red? And red is the new black? And black is the new white!

Anna: Am I the only sane one anymore?

Zeus: What about me?!

Anna: You are obsessed with murdering Davy! He's half the show here!

Maccus: Literally...

Davy: THAT'S IT!

Maccus: Wha? (Davy scoops up Maccus and throws him out the window.)

Zeus: How did you do that?!

Davy: Oh, he's skinny enough! (Zeus cocks an eyebrow, Davy thinks.) ...And so AM I! (Davy tries to jump out window. His big fat gut gets stuck.) Um...guys? A little help here? I think I see seagulls by the Burger King!

Bootstrap: Which reminds me, has anyone seen Jub-Jub?

Barbossa: (starts coughing rapidly; everyone stares) What? It's just a cough!

Laura: That's not a cough, that is a wheeze!

Zeus: I'll help you, out, buddy! (Zeus goes over to Davy, and ZAPS his BUTT! Davy falls out of bus, hangs on with ankles)

Davy: No! I don't wanna be roadkill pizza!

Jack: (puts Fitzy into a headlock) Wow...That sounds good right now.

Fitzy: What is wrong with you!?

Jack: What do _you_ think about when you're hungry? My dad starves me! Right now I think Qdobo sounds good!

Fitzy: Jack, I think you have lost all sense of your taste buds...(Jack buries Fitzy deeper into headlock. Fitzy is pressed up against Jack's armpit) Too bad my sense of smell isn't messed up!! (Gets woozy.) I think I see the light...(In Southern Accent) I'M COMIN' NANA!

Arabella: Fitzy, you're not southern and you're not gonna die! Jack, did you take a shower this morning?

Jack: (proudly; sticks nose up in air) Nope!

Arabella: Whyyy?

Jack: Well, I can kill people this way! (buries Fitzy's face deeper into armpit)

Beckett: (slowly wakes up from taser.) Wha?? Where am I gonna sit now?

Mercer: (pats seat next to him) There's a seat right here, Becky!

Beckett: No, no, no, no, and THAT is not my name! It is Sir. Cutler...Or if you want, Mister Beckett! ...Okay, that one's a little weird to me but it's up to you!!

Mercer: (puts on puppy-dog eyes) Is it up to me then to change your name?!

Beckett: Nooooooo. (picks up Mercer bridal style)

Mercer: (eyes glitter) YAAAAY! We're getting married!

Beckett: (grins) Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Right there on the highway!

Mercer: Wow, this is actually happening...Where's the minister?

Beckett: All those drivers on the highway get to decide whether you live or die! (Kicks open the Emergency Exit door) And by the way...What gave you right to make the assumption that we were married?

Mercer: Well, you picked me up bridal style!

Beckett: Mercer you moron, the groom doesn't do that until _after_ they're married! -and...(trails off)...YOU ARE _NOT_ MR. BECKETT!That name is reserved for Norry!

Norry: (stops from hog-tying up Fitzy with Will and Jack) What's reserved for me?

Beckett: SEE? He didn't deny it!

Norry: Deny what? (groans) ARE YOU TRYING TO PROPOSE TO ME _AGAIN?_

Anna: Well, Norry, I'm the script editor, and she's the sketch artist!

Norry: Your point is? (Anna starts writing in notebook, Gypsy draws a wedding band around Norry's ring finger. Looks at ring) WHAT? What are you trying to say?

Anna: (continues writing) It's not what_ we're_ trying to say. It's what_ you're_ going to say!

Norry: What do you mean- (Norry looks down/admires ring) You know, this is really quite lovely and I wonder what flavor cake we'll have at the wedding and- (clamps hands over mouth) I DIDN'T JUST SAY THAT!

Gypsy: Actually, Norry, you did. And since she controls the notebook right now-

Anna: I can make you say a _whole_ lot of other stuff that you'll regret tomorrow...Preferably honey-moon related!

Norry: Please don't! Please don't! Please don't! -- Gypsy: (at the same time) Please do! Please do! Please do!

Anna: We'll flip a coin! Gypsy, you pick one.

Gypsy: BOTH!

Norry: HEY!

Anna: I won't make you say it right away...Just until the _right_ opportune moment of the day! _(Hisses)_ HOMEROOM!

Norry: (eyes widen; he is scared) Huh?

* * *

**Gypsy: Okay, there you have it! Our very very very random chapter of the first morning of school prep! **

**Anna: AND I'M STILL MAKING NORRY SAY WEIRD THINGS HE'S GONNA REGRET! **

**Gypsy: Yup! **

**Random Audience Member: Can you make him say something right now?**

**Gypsy: We'd be insulted if we didn't! **

**((We go to Will, Jack, and Norry in line for the movie theater snacks/tickets))**

**Will: Norry, you want some licorice?**

**Jack: Licorice is a twinkle-fairy treat! **

**Norry: (shrugs) Whatever, Jack! Yeah, I'll take some-(Norry suddenly straightens up) AND OUR WEDDING'S GONNA HAVE ponies, and flowers, and ponies and- (Clamps hand over mouth) **

**Jack: What did he just say?**

**Will: I'm not sure. (Norry's face is turning red) Let's pry his hand off his mouth! (Jack and Will do so as Norry clamps on for dear life)**

**Jack: Come on Norry, just say something!**

**Norry: (shakes his head, Will eventually snaps hands off his face) AND OUR CHILDRE- (Norry clamps hands over mouth) **

**Jack: (trying not to laugh) **_**What**_** did you just say? You **_**better**_** not be talking about Arabella!**

**Will: Please say you're not! Please say you're not! **

**Norry: IM NOT! **

**Will and Jack: YES!**

**Jack: So who **_**were**_** you talking about?**

**Norry: BECK- (clamps hands over mouth)**

**Will: Please tell me he didn't say what I think he was gonna say.**

**Norry: It's not my fault! It was THEM! (points up) And we're also gonna own a bakery after our seventh child!!...(looks up) COME ON! I'M FUCKIN' THIRTEEN!**

**Will: Uuuuuuuh.**

**Jack: Congratulations on the...(gags) the...sex. (sprints into the bathroom; People scream; Jack dizzily walks out) Wrong bathroom. Where do I puek! WHERE DO I PUEK? (Looks around, runs to the soda fountain. Opens lid and gags)**

**Will: Wow. (Jumps over counter, puts two hot dog weiners on a bun.) Norry, lemme ask you something. Does **_**that**_** look right to you?!**

**Norry: Well, I've nevet seen it close up with the light on- (Clamps mouth shut) **

**Jack: (pale in the face, steps down from counter and soda fountain) I'm good now. Let's just go into the theater.**

**Will: Nuh uh! I am NOT going anywhere dark with HIM!**

**Norry: Oh, don't worry guys. I'M ENGA- (stops himself; looks up) I hate you! I hate you both! I've hated you since before you were born! **

**Anna's voiceover: Aw, it' just pre-marriage jitters.**

**Gypsy's voiceover: (cuts in) SO WHEN'S THE WEDDING? **

**Norry: AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! (runs away out of the theater)**

**Gypsy's voiceover: You can't hide, what's inside, cousin! **

**Anna: And I still have the notebook!**

**((Back to Commentary Screen with Anna and Gypsy))**

**Anna: Now you see what I can make Norry say, and I can make him a LOT more! Send in any suggestions! I NEED SUGGESTIONS! Come on, ppl! Gimme a little action for the honeymoon! We need Norry Torture!**

**Gypsy: Come on people, click the lil lavender button and review! Tell you're friends. I hope you liked our random episode! We screwed up the screwed which we already screwed up in the first place. **

**BYE!!**


End file.
